Shambala

On the road to veganity, I bumped along a little ways with some turkey meat sticks and some chicken tacos.  But my meat and sugar intake is really minimal in the grand scheme of things, actually, with an incredibly liberal dousing of green tea and 10-calorie-FUZE SLENDERIZE.  (I just got some the other day, and decided I kinda like it once in a while…) My snacks have consisted of tortilla chips with salsa and, oh yes, starvation. 

I have had a mega-busy few weeks, (going to work in the early part of the day, and then heading to the storage sheds in the afternoon with large loads bogging down my poor van) and eating has literally fallen to the bottom of the “to-do” list. 

Unfortunately I can’t actually survive with no food, and eventually my hunger returns with a vengeance, attacking me for my neglect.  I actually think that my body rejects animal foods when I have been in starvation mode, and it does NOT reject the raw fruit and veggie foods, or simple starches on my OK list. I find that fascinating.

I have not made progress on implementing a stress-relieving exercise routine, but that’s OK. I have been up and down the stairs with boxes and heavy objects this week.  My waist is thinner and my legs are firmer. (I just moved into an upstairs duplex).  The weather, while pleasant today and last evening, has been pretty much hideous this week – 88 and humid.  Rough time to move. (This weekend will be worse.) So, it looks like swimming will have to be my exercise for a few days.  I am actually one of the laziest swimmers ever.  I get in the pool or the lake, and huddle with my shoulders under, sometimes holding a large fruity beverage sporting an umbrella straw. Somehow, I think the few times I let my eight-year-old daughter carry me from one end of the pool to the other, pretending I am her baby while mesmerized by the fact that she can lift me in the water… somehow I think that is exercise.  And I sip more of my fruity beverage and climb out to let the sun touch me everywhere (someone has to…)

So – although I plan to eat more food, since “no food” is not a healthy diet, I am happy to report that I feel as though I am in control of this.  That’s saying a lot!!!! I have been in control of so very little these days, it would seem...

I am truly feeling empowered that, while I may not be on the road to veganity, I am on the road to Shambala.

That’s a song, you know…

Drinkin' Wine Spo-dee-o-dee-o

Ok.

I was going to be a vegan for the summer.  I got all excited about it.  I planned to come up with a bunch of gluten-free, tasty vegan recipes and share them with my world.  I figured maybe it would help me on my journey to certain slender-ness.

So, while planning out my first day of veganity, I ran through the drive-thru at Taco Bell and grabbed up a couple of chicken tacos in hard shells so I could think about recipes…

This is going to be harder than I once thought. As in, what I once thought a minute ago, I mentally journal-ed as I tore into the poultry flesh. (Actually, just writing the phrase “poultry-flesh” has me ready to re-commit to veganity…)

It reminds me of the times we have ordered the vegan gluten-free pizza and had them throw chicken all over it.  “Are you sure…?” the woman on the other end of the phone asked in dismay.  “Just do it,” we hissed back.

I. Am. Hungry.  I don’t get to eat bread.  It is inconvenient and expensive to keep gluten-free varieties on hand. I should not eat dairy, and so I mostly avoid it since it wreaks havoc in my system, nearly as detrimentally as wheat and gluten.  I guess I wonder what the heck I am supposed to eat.

My friend and I last night devised a plan to drink liquor to get thin.  We both agreed that we are waaaaaay thinner and much more beautiful when we maintain a constant mellow buzz; or not even a mellow one.  We could just plan to be temporarily tipping that bottle back, drinking our meals, absolute animals in our lean curves and sensual prowess.

(That probably won’t work, either.  I have a feeling it won’t anyway.  And the magic-gluten-free brownie-idea is great.  Except that, oh wait, it is a bad idea.  Plus, my friend wants to get a job working for the state…)

Not me.  I don’t want to get a job anywhere.  I just want to sit around and drink wine spo-dee-o-dee-o and eat chocolate… melting off my pounds.

So realistically, I don’t have time to eat much anyway.  Which is probably why I talk about food all the time.  When I write stories, I think of delicious detail regarding the food my characters are eating.  They get to indulge in all the things I really just can’t have. 

And so, it is gluten-free bars from the grocery store, green tea, grapes, tortilla chips with salsa, and bananas.  Almost every day. 

Someone recently told me that humans were never meant to consume corn.  Grr.  I can at least eat corn.  So that’s hogwash.  I quipped back, “Humans were never meant to eat wheat.”  The person looked at me like I was crazy.  I might be a little crazy, but at that moment, I felt I’d won a crucial conversational battle.

All this to say, I am not likely to be vegan in totality.  I am not likely to turn to alcoholism and weed to speed my metabolism.  I am not likely to give up corn.

Instead, I am going to take advantage of the warm weather and do a lot of swimming and walking. 

Although, I really do think that if I stay typsy, I will care less whether or not this is actually working…

Independence Day

"Let Freedom Ring.  Let the white dove sing.  Let the whole world know that today is the day of reckoning..."

Dear Friends,

It has been quite a while since I have written.  Almost 3 months. I have done a few crazy things, been to California and back twice, had three Brazilian sugars (I am addicted), finished an intense job of music writing and playing, started a new job of being a receptionist for a couple of lawyers, and packed up an entire house and put it into storage.

 Yep.  I was told by my landlord at the end of May that he had sold the house I was living in and I needed to move out.  So I started packing up my stuff and sorting through the memories, burning and packing and throwing away.  June 2011 was really hard. It was so hard, in fact, I don't even know what to say.

I finally dealt with so many things regarding my three-year old divorce.  I looked at old cards to and from old people in my life.  I replaced them with new music from new people.  I made a huge burn pile.

I am waiting for the inspection to go through on a house I'm trying to buy, which means I am temporarily displaced.  Meanwhile, I'm dividing my time between two friends' houses.  One friend wants to marry me, and the other, a girl (marrying her is still technically illegal in this state) is trying to be there for me, in spite of the fact that her husband is anxious and jealous of my presence. I can't wait to have my own place again.

I'm in limbo. For real.

It's almost the Fourth of July -- my favorite holiday -- and I am really, truly in LIMBO.

My daughter told me today that she want's to drop fifteen pounds.  (She is adorable, and I don't think she needs to thin out at all, although fifteen pounds would still technically be a healthy weight, so I won't discourage her.)  It made me think -- maybe I will be happier if I drop pounds as well.  I have fought it -- trying to prove that curvy is amazing and cool and healthy and all that.

But the bottom line is that I want to be thin, I guess.

So, here I go.  If I have to literally drink my meals, I am going to work my butt off this summer.  I am going to get the old fixer-upper house and work hard, and walk and dance and drink wine and  get *&^%$#@ happy. And lose twenty-five pounds.

Anyway...

I will keep you posted.

I plan so many things, you know.

But, this is my new goal --  thin for this year.

I want to get rid of the chubbiness on my back right under my bra-strap.  Anyone with me...?

xo

Later...

Laura Lee