Something really, really nice happens when you set a goal.
Tiny little things inside of you start to adapt to your new idea – your goal.
Eventually you do one of two things. Either you give up and chase a new goal, or you move in the direction of your original goal.
When it comes to pursuing health and fitness, and, honestly, the pursuit of beauty, I can say I will never give up. I believe in the validity of such pursuits.
I will not lie and tell you that beauty isn't about what you look like on the outside, and it's “all about inner strength, intelligence, personality, etc. blah-blah-blah...” Tell that to some little girl who dreams of being a princess in the pink dress! We cannot dismiss the value of outer beauty, simply because we are angry about the distortion of it in society. The basic foundation of beauty comes from within, it's true; but the fruit of that beauty can be evident on the outside, with a bit of effort. Beauty comes in many, many packages, and non-traditional faces and shapes are just as beautiful as ones we immediately recognize via media images.
Beauty, I believe, is each person being the best they can be. We can achieve this in one area, in a handful of areas, or in many areas. Some people achieve it physically, but lack in other areas (like personality or intelligent actions, for instance.) I choose to believe that these persons have inner beauty, although under-developed. A lot of times, there is so much pain and insecurity driving this person to be shallow or mean, that I can believe the depth and sweetness is hidden, instead of assuming it is non-existent.
On an extreme flip, someone who is kind and generous, but lacking what we deem as “physical beauty,” I have to believe has this physical beauty as well. It's just hidden underneath pain and insecurity – just like the inner-beauty of the carbon-copy-person.
With this belief, I choose to notice amazing qualities about myself and others, both physical and internal. I will notice a delicate nose and gorgeous eyes. I will disregard heavy legs or unflattering hair. I will embrace a person's energy to accomplish tasks in an orderly fashion, and disregard the little bites which that same person may take (sinking teeth into the hearts of others.)
The search for beauty is the search for balance. The search for balance is the search for beauty. We begin searching for either, and if we do it correctly, the outcome is both.
I have been working on this, believe it or not, for quite some time. I just began blogging about my newly ignited journey on November 14th, 2010. My initial deadline was March 14th, 2011, the day I will turn thirty-nine. In this time, I have written useful things right alongside silliness, proving my ability to be distracted is incredible. I want to prove my ability to re-focus is also tremendous.
I have, in the last week, begun a yoga program. I bought a DVD, actually, for $9, and a yoga mat for $9. I began trying to do it, intrigued by the calm instructor, Ashley Turner (who is from my dream-city, Los Angeles). I've found the program extremely challenging, very fulfilling, an amazing workout, and overall a healing endeavor. I will continue to do this. I, in fact, think I may have discovered a way for someone like myself to love working out even when it isn't feasible to get outside. See, when the weather is gorgeous and semi-warm, I can be found walking three, five or seven miles on any given day. I love the outdoors, and I covet my alone time with nature. It clears my head. I am a nicer mother and a better woman when I do this for myself. The power and discipline I exert over my own body when I workout is not matchable by any other high. I promise you this.
I have a high-maintenance figure. I will not lie to you. I have never been traditional “skinny.” God gave me some curves, people. I have had to work through the psychology of hating my body, being angry at my mother for my full thighs and short waist, being angry at my grandmother for my large breasts (I always wanted little “athletic” ones...) and being angry at myself for not joining track my senior year of high school after my boyfriend broke up with me and I fell into my first giant depression. (I trace my initial gain of ten pounds to this month of my life...) So, in forgiving my gene-pool and my life experiences (and even that first boyfriend), I've realized that my curves are pretty, and softness is feminine, and feminine is powerful, and I am beautiful.
How am I beautiful? Why am I beautiful? No, not because I am somehow text-book beautiful. Not at all. I think if you have been following my blog, you should realize that I don't care that much about maintaining thigh/bikini/armpit hairless-ness, and I certainly don't judge people who don't take as much care in grooming their legs and armpits as I do lately. (I laugh out loud.) However, I am truly enjoying my groomed look, and will probably keep it up. It is part of a discipline for me right now, propelling me toward a feeling of being fit and in charge.
I otherwise have long, usually unkempt hair, my make-up is half of the time “the natural look,” and the other half of the time, for the sake of performances as a musician “totally glamorous.” I appreciate both looks. My wardrobe is also mixed – either a hippie, a formal dress for performance, or a teacher-y woman – you know, slacks/skirt, blouse, sweater...
So it isn't that. It's none of that.
The beauty that I am feeling is this inner bubble of hope and peace. I don't always feel it as readily as I feel it this week, but it's there. It propels me to smile and be kind. It propels me to laugh and enjoy the moment. It gives me just enough energy to take a shower sometimes (fight the depression, people; some of you know what I mean...). This bubble is just enough to remind me that my children and their friends will see me today, so tuck in my tummy, wear some hipster jeans and a little jacket, brush my hair, and for heavens' sake put on some lipstick... (Sometimes, it's really important to be as cute as possible because it makes our children feel good. Often, even, that's the best reason.)
You know – I don't think this is shallow. When I feel good about myself because my kids are excited that I look pretty, everything about the way I conduct the rest of the day improves.
We shouldn't fight beauty. We should embrace it. We're all capable of achieving it, focusing our energy on balance and good body alignment. That is where it starts. When we are balanced, we make choices which draw us toward our best version of ourselves. I hope I have written that clearly.
This, by the way, I knew long before I started doing yoga. In fact none of what I wrote today came from the yoga program I am currently doing. I just feel inspired to cough out some things to you I was already mulling around, and they seem to be in alignment with the things being reiterated by the yoga instructor.
Setting that goal, sticking to it... sometimes the two concepts don't happen in the same week, month, or even year. Here I am, raw and open before you, letting you know that I am now finally serious about working out through these cold days. I'm embracing beauty – which, for me, includes absolutely any technique that interests me about discipline, strength, skin, and balance – and I am embracing me, good and bad. Beautifully flawed.
Until next time...
Laura Lee
No comments:
Post a Comment